Research shows that therapeutic change comes about quicker and feels deeper if three things are perpetually and mindfully present in the dialogue and encounter between a psychologist/counsellor and a client:  BOND, GOALS AND METHODS.  I’ve found in my counselling work  that too much structuring and stratifying of the therapy session stifles the client’s spirit and inhibits the flow of our encounter, so, my way as an existential and humanistic psychologist is to live the bond/goals/methods in each moment with the client and allow our dialogic dance and process pulsations to bring about the change pattern that connects.  Connects us to each other as human beings and to the SOMETHING MORE that is at the core of becoming.  I think, feel and intuit that the best way to initiate and foster the change process is to establish with a client right from the outset that this therapeutic “hero’s journey” is going to be one that relies on the rapport we establish/sustain (BOND), the relationship we build/maintain (GOALS) and the resources we engage/employ (METHODS).  I tell the client that this co-creative process will take time and practice; it will be ill-defined and uncertain; and, at times, you may feel vulnerable, but by courageously and whole-heartedly engaging in the work of counselling the changes you’ve been seeking will become you.

This post How therapeutic change becomes you via the: Calgary Psychology blog where you can get psychology info for Calgarians

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Most people view gratitude as a polite expression of appreciation for help, a gift, or any other type of benefit. However, a number of psychologists are finding that an overall “attitude of gratitude” can have a positive effect on your life.

Benefits of Gratitude

The benefits of adopting a grateful attitude are far-reaching, often impacting not only our own lives, but those around us as well. A few benefits of practicing gratitude include:

Increase in optimism

People who practice gratitude, whether on a spiritual or social plane, are more likely to have a positive outlook on life. They are more likely to focus on positive things rather than on negative ones. Optimistic people are generally happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who are continually focusing on the negative or overlook things to be grateful about. They are also better at coping with stressful or painful situations.

Better mental and physical health

Grateful people are typically healthier, both mentally and physically. Because gratitude leads to calmness, peace, and overall happiness, people who are grateful are less likely to be depressed or anxious than their ungrateful counterparts. Calgary psychology experts have found grateful people are also less likely to experience the physical maladies associated with anxiety and depression, including increased blood pressure or likelihood of stroke.

Enhanced relationships

Gratitude not only benefits those who are expressing thanks, but those who are on the receiving end as well. Gratitude is a positive reinforcer that encourages people to continue helping others. People who feel that their efforts are appreciated in any setting, whether at home or work, are more likely to maintain their altruism. Relationships improve because the person you are thanking feels validated and appreciated instead of taken advantage of or overlooked.

Practicing Gratitude in Daily Life

Now that you know a few of the benefits of practicing gratitude, you can work towards implementing gratitude in your life. Some easy ways to be more grateful include:

Say thank you.

It sounds simple, and it’s something most people were taught from the time they were little, but simply thanking people is becoming a lost art. Look for situations to thank people, and then do it. It could be anything from thanking a stranger for holding a door open for you to thanking your spouse for making dinner.

List the things you’re thankful for

This is especially helpful if you are feeling discouraged. Sit down and write a list about all of the things you are grateful for, then make it a point to add to the list at least once a week, working up to every day. This will force you to look for things to be grateful for, which will in turn, show you how meaningful your life really is..

Adopt a different perspective

You are more likely to be grateful for the actions of others when you look at them through another person’s viewpoint. For example, let’s say your husband picked up dinner on the way home from work. This may seem like a little thing, but think of how you feel at the end of a long day at work—tired, eager to get home and relax – not run an errand or wait in traffic to pick up food; he’s tired too, but he’s picked up dinner, saving you a trip.  This perspective will help you appreciate the kindness and little deeds of others.

At the same time, you can compare your own situation to others, especially if you are feeling down. If you lose your job, be grateful you still have your health, a home, and a family. Putting things in perspective can help you be grateful for what you do have rather than what you do not have.

Gratitude not only changes your own life by improving your overall mental and physical health, but the lives of others as well.

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Self-fulfillment, or the ability to accomplish your hopes and dreams through your own efforts, is one thing many people seek in order to have a satisfying, happy life. To some people, finding self-fulfillment may seem difficult or out of reach. When it comes to self-fulfillment, however, the amount of effort you put in is a direct correlation with what you accomplish. Simply put, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to and work hard enough for.

Finding self-fulfillment leads to greater life satisfaction and enhanced self-esteem as you learn just how much you can really accomplish. Many psychologists encourage their patients to find self-fulfillment during counseling.

Fortunately, finding self-fulfillment is not difficult. These tips will help:

Let go of your fears.

As we grow up, we develop fears that keep us from going after the things we actually want. For example, maybe people have told you that you are not smart enough or don’t have the skills you need to achieve certain goals. The belief that this could be true often causes people to hold back from pursuing their dreams. The first step in finding self-fulfillment is letting go of these fears and adopting an attitude that you can do anything.

Be at peace with yourself.

A negative self-image or low self-esteem is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in achieving self-fulfillment. If you suffer from poor self-image, the time to let go of negative self-talk is now. Replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones, read self-help books, and consider Calgary counseling to help you work through poor self-image and realize your full potential.

Be willing to work.

Self-fulfillment comes through hard work. In order to find your purpose in life and achieve your dreams, you must be willing to put forth the effort to do so. Never assume that anything you want in life will just be handed to you.

Start small.

Finding self-fulfillment or purpose in life does not require major life changes such as changing jobs, getting married, or travelling across the country or even the world. You can find self-fulfillment right where you are, no matter what stage in life you are. Expecting too much out of yourself too soon can be discouraging, so start small by changing your mindset to “I can achieve whatever I want,” rather than changing your physical surroundings.

Don’t give up.

The most important thing to remember as you move forward in finding self-fulfillment is to never give up. You may need to overcome barriers or setbacks as you work to achieve your goals, but what separates people who accomplish what they set out to do and end up feeling fulfilled in their lives from those who only dream about it are the ones who get up when they’ve been knocked down, brush themselves off, and start again.

Self-fulfillment leads to a greater recognition of self and a more enhanced sense of purpose in life. Achieving self-fulfillment need not be difficult, in fact, it’s actually quite simple. These tips will help you learn to recognize your true potential.

This post The Simple Truth about Self Fulfillment via the: Calgary Psychology blog where you can get psychology info for Calgarians

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Numerous studies have shown that a positive outlook on aging translates not only to happier retirement years and overall better mental health, but longevity as well. In fact, those who have a positive attitude when it comes to aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than people who are anxious or depressed about aging.

These tips will help you develop a positive, optimistic approach to aging:

Stay healthy.

When you are in good physical condition, you are more likely to be positive about aging than people who are overweight, smoke, or engage in habits that are harmful to health. The best ways to enter your Golden Years healthily are to exercise regularly, maintain a healthy weight, eat a balanced diet, and visit your doctor regularly for check-ups and screenings.

Avoid smoking and excessive alcohol consumption.

Heavy smoking decreases your overall life expectancy by making you more prone to lung and mouth cancers and breathing problems like asthma and COPD. If you smoke, stop right now. Studies show that heavy smokers who quit smoking by age 45 are not impacted by their former smoking habits in their 70’s or 80’s. The same holds true for excessive alcohol consumption, which can not only lead to health problems, but overdependence can result in relationship problems and depression.

Maintain a support system.

A close support system can also result in positive aging. People who are in happy marriages in which both spouses are physically and mentally healthy and feel secure and loved in their relationship tend to have a more positive aging approach. They view getting old together as something to look forward to rather than dread. Additionally, a strong support system of family or friends is also important for developing a healthy and optimistic outlook on aging.

Develop outside hobbies.

Oftentimes, people neglect their own personal hobbies as they age, leaving them feeling bored and unfulfilled by the time they reach retirement age. Develop and maintain outside hobbies and interests you can continue as you age. This will help ensure you keep your mind and your body active. Hobbies to pursue can include gardening, daily walks with friends, travel, games or puzzles, and joining a senior center for activities and friendships.

Make a plan.

As you grow older and prepare for retirement, make sure you have your home and finances in order. It’s difficult to be excited and positive about aging and starting a new chapter in your life when you are worried you don’t have enough money to sustain you in your retirement. Work to pay down debt and increase your savings to ensure financial security.

Rework your attitude.

Resilience to setbacks and maintaining an optimistic outlook on life in general—not just aging—will allow you to approach aging in a positive way. If you are pessimistic about getting older, take steps to be happier and more optimistic about life. If you feel depressed or are anxious about getting older, consider seeing a Calgary psychology expert to help you work through your issues.

When it comes to aging, a positive outlook and improved mental attitude towards growing older will not only make you happier and more content, but it will also help you live longer. This how-to guide can help you become more positive as you approach your Golden Years.

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You’ve probably heard the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.” But this isn’t just a well-known saying; numerous studies have continually proven the benefits of happiness and optimism on health. Not only does a happy, upbeat mood make you feel good emotionally, but it can also make you a healthier person physically.

A few of the health benefits of happiness include:

Lower stress levels.

High levels of stress can wreak havoc on your health. Those who are frequently under stress have higher rates of heart disease, higher blood pressures, and greater changes of developing a stroke during their lifetime. On the other hand, those who are happy tend to experience less stress and are not as likely to develop serious stress related health problems.

Lower incidence of disease.

Stress also weakens the immune system, making you more susceptible to common illnesses and diseases, ranging from the common cold and flu to more serious maladies. When you can’t fight infection, you put yourself at greater risk for hospitalization. On the other hand, happiness is associated with lower stress levels and a more robust immune system.

Healthier weights.

If you’ve ever been stressed out or depressed, chances are you either lost weight due to loss of appetite or gained weight. Many people gain weight when they are unhappy or depressed because the body creates excess amounts of the hormone cortisol when we experience stress. This hormone often results in craving sweets and other unhealthy foods and causes the body to store more fat.

Happy, active people, on the other hand, produce more dopamine and endorphins. These hormones are what causes you to feel happy. “Runner’s high” is a real phenomenon that refers to the body’s release of the pleasure hormone dopamine. This leads to increased activity levels and healthier weights overall.

Longevity.

Happiness and longevity are also associated with a longer lifespan. In fact, one study found that those who rated themselves as generally happy overall lived an average of 7.5 years longer than their more depressed peers.

Better resilience.

Those who are happy and optimistic have better resilience, meaning they are able to cope with tragedies or life stresses and bounce back faster than those who are not as happy or optimistic. People who are more resilient in stressful situations are also able to bounce back from illnesses faster than those who are not as happy or optimistic.

Improving Your Happiness

If you want to increase your happiness—and your health—there are plenty of ways to do so. These include:

• Counseling. Calgary residents who feel depressed should seek professional help. Depression is a treatable disease and can help improve physical as well as emotional health.
• Exercise. Exercise increases endorphins, the “feel good” chemical in the brain. Regular exercise can help you become healthier and happier.
• Develop a support system. Surrounding yourself with close friends and family members is good for both emotional and physical health.
• Find new hobbies. Pursuing interests and hobbies you enjoy will also make you a happier person overall.
• Be optimistic. Practice looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty. Once you get in the habit of this kind of thinking, you will be happier overall.

When you’re happy, you not only enjoy an improved mood, but also better physical health.

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Chances are, you’re probably familiar with the concept of procrastination. We all do it, whether it’s cramming for a test at the last minute, putting off doing laundry until there’s nothing to wear, or waiting until the last second to file taxes.

It’s safe to say that procrastination can cause a fair amount of stress, but can it be good for you as well? Some Calgary psychology experts and others around the world have pinpointed a few ways procrastination can be beneficial.

Allows you to get in touch with your intuition.

Many people get frustrated with themselves when they procrastinate and put things off and chalk their procrastination up to laziness or a lack of motivation. However, some psychologists believe that procrastination is actually a natural response to your body’s intuition or gut feeling that something isn’t quite right with the situation. Your personal intuition is a powerful force that should be listened to.

Instead of mentally beating yourself up when you find yourself procrastinating, take a moment to closely examine why you are procrastinating. Ask yourself if what you are about to undertake is something you really want or need to do. If something feels wrong, or you get a sinking feeling in your stomach, your procrastination could actually be your own internal warning that something is not right.

Gives you energy.

Other times, we procrastinate simply because we don’t have the energy or inclination to start a project or task. Waiting until the last minute, when you must act or face serious repercussions, often provides you with an adrenaline rush to complete your task in a timely manner. You’ve probably heard people say they do their best work under pressure or after they have put something off until the last minute. This is usually because the energy and adrenaline we experience allows us to focus better.

Makes you face your fears.

Procrastination can also be the result of fear. If you are putting things off because you are afraid of something, take this time to face your fear head on. Identify what it is exactly that you are afraid of. For example, let’s say you are in charge of planning a baby shower party and keep putting it off. Upon further reflection, you realize your procrastination is actually fear that the party won’t be successful or that no one will come. Once you identify your fear, you can take steps to address and overcome it and put procrastination behind you.

Helps you prioritize.

Some people procrastinate because they are overwhelmed. This is especially the case in a society that encourages and even rewards multitasking. However, when you take on too much, you only end up stressed and overwhelmed. Procrastination is sometimes a way of prioritizing the things you need to do or warning you that you’re overwhelmed. If you find yourself continually procrastinating not because you’re afraid of the task or it feels wrong, perhaps you are taking too much on at any given time. Consider delegating or reducing your workload.

Although it has negative connotations, procrastination can actually be good for you. Not only does it give you an occasional burst of adrenaline and energy to accomplish a task, but it also allows you to be more in touch as you take a look inside and examine the deeper meaning behind putting something off.

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Most people want to live a full, purposeful life that is rich and full of meaning. People who live their lives on purpose are excited to wake up each day and see what the day has in store. They have plans and goals that enrich their lives and are continually working towards self-progression and fulfilling their personal dreams and desires.

If you feel like your life is lacking purpose or drive, you can change your focus with these suggestions.

Find out what fulfills you.

Everyone has different things they find fulfilling and that make them happy. Take a moment to think of the things and activities in your life that help you feel content and satisfied once you’ve accomplished them. For example, maybe you feel fulfilled spending time with your children and being a good parent. Or, maybe you find joy and fulfillment in your career. Once you know what gives you a feeling of personal satisfaction, you can focus your time and energy on these things.

Set goals.

Setting and accomplishing goals is a great way to add purpose to your life. Your goals can be short-term or long-term. For example, maybe you want to make it a goal to read to your children each night. Or, perhaps you have wanted to start a business but are unsure of where to start. Set goals to help you put your life in motion and achieve purpose, regardless how big or small the goal or accomplishment.

Be passionate.

A life on purpose is filled with passions. Pursue the things you are passionate about and you will find that your life is more purpose-driven as you spend time doing the things you love. You don’t have to love every task you do, but try and see the purpose in the things you are doing if you start to feel frustrated. At the same time, explore new things in order to discover new passions.

Focus on others.

Many people begin to see their lives as more purposeful and fulfilling when they reach out to others. Many Calgary psychology experts recommend helping those who are less fortunate as a way to help you put your life in perspective and add meaning and purpose to it. There are many simple ways to do this, from volunteering at local shelters or soup kitchens to donating your used clothing to charities to participating in a fundraising walk/run.

Live in the present.

While living life on purpose involves setting goals and working towards them to achieve your dreams and be happy, it’s also important to live in the present moment. This means noticing your surroundings, being a good listener, and taking time to meditate and appreciate what you have at any given time. Throughout life, you’ll go through a number of life stages and changes. Experience life one day at a time and focus your attention on each day, and you will be able to better live your life with purpose on a daily basis.

Living a life on purpose is rewarding and fulfilling. These easy tips will help you  find happiness and purpose in your life.

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Choosing to make a difference each and every day can be a real-life revelation and actualization of your humanity in the making. Making a difference doesn’t need to be about the big things, the little things will do just fine. Actually, attending to the little things that concern another can build a bigger bond, trust and love between you.  Thoreau pretty much summed up humanity’s entire relational project when he wrote that, “To affect the quality of the day is the highest of the arts”.  So go ahead, make a big difference today by trying out one of these little things:

1. Do a surprise check-in on someone to show them that they are remembered.
2. Give a friend an unexpected “day-gift”.
3. Have a coffee with someone and mindfully listen for the pulsations of their personhood.
4. Ensure that someone you know is enabled to choose and act freely.
5. Endeavor to be awe-filled.
6. Feel and act gratefully.
7. Lessen your daily “load”, so that you have the strength and endurance to carry a friend’s daily “load” for a while.
8. Accept that another’s difference, can clarify your nature.
9. Be prepared to give, forgive and let live.
10. Help someone without them knowing it.
11. Hold someone if they’re hurting.
12. Seek to understand, before you seek to be understood.

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There are multiple stages in a sales relationship and recognizing each of the stages is important to developing this relationship.

At first, you’re with a person you hardly know at all.  It is just like dating, but in sales, in this stage of the relationship, we refer to the ‘other’as a suspect.

As you work them through the AIDA formula (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action) and you’ve met with them and talked with them a bit, they become a prospect.  At this point, you are a little closer in the courtship process.

After they’ve been through the AIDA formula, they become a customer.  They try all of your products and goods and give you a chance.  Now, you’ve got a customer.

It’s now that the selling really begins.  You want to broaden and expand your relationship. When they start to do regular business with you, we call them a client.

Eventually, after you’ve dealt with someone and fulfilled their needs on a regular basis, it’s almost like a marriage really.  They become a confidant.  Whenever they need something in your particular area, they come to you for the answers long before they go out there and search for another sales person.

So the whole idea with using the AIDA formula in the courtship sales process is to move people from suspects to prospects to customers to clients to confidants.

Remember, you will sell as you are.  You see as you are and you will sell as you are.  You’ve got to listen and dare to care.

Most of all you have to have enthusiasm.  The last four letters of the word enthusiasm are i-a-s-m and that means “I am sold myself”.  People buy with passion.  People buy with emotion.  Be yourself and get out there.

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Who sells?  When you think about it, we all do, all the time.  But how are sales like the process of courtship – like dating or getting someone new to be interested in you?

In sales (and dating) we follow the basic advertising and marketing formula called AIDA.

1.      Get their attention.

2.      Build an interest.

3.      Build a desire

4.      Create a call to action.

Let’s start with attention.  One way to gain attention is to introduce newness.  Another way is to introduce urgency.  A third option is to say, “I know someone who you know.”  It works like a referral; if you have someone in common, they’re more likely to pay a little attention to you.  You can also just get out there and start meeting and talking to people; stand up to be seen and speak up to be heard.

The next phase is to build interest.  The fastest, quickest and best way to build interest with another person is to really attend to them.  How do we attend to other people?

The most sincere and heartfelt way to attend to another is to listen.  You’ve got to love to listen to the person you’re selling and hear what it is that they’re saying about their needs.  You’ve got to seek to understand and then seek to be understood.  That’s how you build the interest.

Third, is desire.  How do you get them to want to be with you and to want to have your product?  You do that through what is called ‘a quest for questions’.  You’re trying to find out what the gaps and needs are that need to be filled so you can find a problem oriented solution that you could use to match to those unique gaps and needs.  You want to fill in those gaps with the benefits from your product or service.

Fourth, is to take action.  Eventually, you’ve got to say that you want the order and can provide these benefits.  Let’s match your needs and these benefits together.

Always remember, what moves a client or customer is not their thinking; it’s their emotion.  That’s how people buy and that’s why people buy.  If you think about it, emotion is “E motion”; it moves them towards getting your product and you towards getting your order.

You can go for the sale in a variety of ways.  You can ask for the order by simply saying, “Well, it sounds like we’re ready to move on” or “Would you like to have a trial with these products for the time being?  I’ll check back with you in a few days.”

Or you can use the either/or approach – “Would you like the product in red or blue?”  “Would you like the product on Monday or Friday?”

After all this, you may be faced with an objection.  The key to handling objections is to recognize them as a secret problem seeking solution.  As soon as a client or customer says no, say to yourself, “a no with an n-o- is really a know with a k-n-o-w”.  They need to know more from you.  And that’s when the selling really starts and you begin to move them.  It is moving them through that secret problem with your secret solution.

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